I get the difficulty here. My wife and I wrestle with this frequently. What seems to work for us is finding a time when each of us can be very present, awake, no alcohol etc. We create a sacred space and sit on the floor.

Example: We both work at home. I got into the habit of wearing the same sweat shirt and pants for days on end. It wasn't a good look. She, is very tuned in to how things look. She likes her environement and the things it clean and asthetically pleasing.

She asked me if I would tidy myself a bit more. She made a clear request. At that point, I have a choice: Do I honor her request (and change) or not?

I chose to change. My decision, because I know it's important to her. And, after I did it, I felt better too.

I've expressed my needs to her as well. In some cases, she's agreed. In others, not so much. But it goes both ways.

I don't expect her to fundamentally chnage her personality, but I do believe a relationship requires give and take and some willingness to flex, lean in to the other person's style a bit.

I also realize I have to examine what I want and make sure I'm not projecting my stuff onto her. That requires self-awareness and reflection.

I think the bottom line is making a reasonable, respectful request is an important factor in any relationship. At that point, the other person gets to choose. Honor the request, negotiate middle ground perhaps, say no, or ask to have time to think about it.

What do you think?